Lil kunj apologises for the neglect of lil kunj Big World

I’ve decided to write this apology for my followers/readers. I hope that as well as acting as a genuine apology it will also help me bring various aspects of my life into focus and hopefully in the coming months it will help me with developing the blog further and fingers crossed make it into a more interesting blog.

I hope all of you have had wonderful summers. Mine has been somewhat of a mixed bag. As I have mentioned previously I spent my summer being a bit of an inbetweener, spending half my time in Bristol and the remainder in London. The sole purpose of this was to help me take a step or two in the right direction for a specific goal. I also embarked on this summer adventure hoping it would be one that would be memorable, where I was learning, improving myself and having fun with my friends at the same time.

It certainly was a summer that was memorable, but not for the reasons I had hoped. Over the past few months I’ve had to face and try and overcome various challenges with my life and career goals, I was hoping to rely on people that I had considered my friends for the past many years. People who I had supported in the past because I considered them as my friends, because that’s what friends do right?! Well apparently not. My list of friends seems to have been whittled down to pretty much none (ok I may be over reacting, but after everything that has happened I don’t trust anyone).  I asked one friend if she could spare some time just for a phone conversation just to help me put things in perspective, that was back in July. I’m still waiting for that phone conversation to happen. Another friend who I was supposed to meet up with, sadly I had to cancel as I had a lot of work related stuff to get through and deadlines to meet. I text him to cancel 2 days prior to our catch up date. I then tried to phone a couple of times to apologise properly and rearrange our date once these deadlines had passed.  No answer and no reply. That was back in August.  With these two, I’ve made a lot of effort in the past and I made the effort to contact them on more than one occasion, but they still couldn’t be bothered. The third accused me of doing something I didn’t, then accused me of lying about it, when he found out from other friends that I wasn’t the culprit, he text to say he knew I hadn’t done anything, but couldn’t even be bothered to proffer up an apology.  I’m sitting here and mulling over everything. How could I get it so wrong?  Some of these were people who I lived with once upon a time, some I’ve known since school. These were people even my parents approved of and said they were good ones, and parents are usually annoyingly right. How did they get it wrong?.

However despite all this, there is a glimmer of hope, one uni friend, who I have never even spoken to about anything deep and meaningful has been unsurprisingly supportive about my endeavours. I’m still yet to have a deep, meaningful conversation with him, but everytime a phone conversation would exceed 20 minutes, he would actually say it’s time to put the phone down and get on with your work.  What a gem this one has been!

As someone who has suffered from mental health issues for a number of years, I have spent most of my time avoiding talking about these issues as well as things that upset me and make me feel down. I have found that in general the handful of friends I have told about my difficulties haven’t responded in an understanding manner and family don’t understand at all (they originate from a rural community in India, where mental health issues tend to be overlooked, sadly over the past few years whilst they are aware of issues, sadly they don’t know how to help and have never been inclined to either). So overall I find that I am left with no one to talk to and find that I’m harbouring my feelings and frustrations in an unhealthy manner. I’ve decided that occasionally if things get to much, I may just post on here instead as a way to vent and by writing everything out I gain some clarity into the situation at hand. I guess if one person who is in a similar situation reads it and realises that they are not alone, then I guess that’s comforting in itself and that the blog actually has some purpose.  Whilst there have been a number of posts that I’ve written for this blog in the past few months, I’ve held back on publishing them as there is one follower who also falls into a foul friend category and has spent the past couple of months lying to me about certain things. I’ve felt insecure about posting because of him and I am in the process of trying to cut ties with the person in question. Whilst I hope in time he respects my wishes and removes himself as a follower, I’ve made the decision that I shouldn’t allow someone like him to dictate whether or not I pursue with a hobby that I enjoy.

With everything that has gone on, I’ve decided that there are various topics that I hope to cover on this blog in the future.  I hope to cover more health related issues, especially in relation to mental health and well being. The other topics that I hope to incorporate include health and exercise as well, as that I’ve spent a lot of time focusing on those aspects of my life in recent months.

So here’s to a healthier, happier lil kunj and hopefully to a better, more interesting blog.

Hopefully what I’ll be like in a few weeks

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